The Infinite Abyss

Have you ever been on a surfboard, trying to catch a wave, and waiting endlessly before realizing you weren’t in the water? Well, me neither. But I did sleep at a Holiday Inn last night.

I’ve thought about a lot of things in the past few days, but ironically now that my head is full of stuff I have nothing to write. I was going to start writing about the infinite abyss that Buddha calls suffering, that was so amply addressed in Garden State as the familiar sense of pain and suffering associated with just existing in this world.

I don’t buy it. Life isn’t a continuous influx of pain and confusion. Sure, sometimes we don’t think we’ll make it, but we do. Sometimes we feel miserable, but something always picks us up. We could just as easily describe life as discontinuous happiness with learning between the high points.

No, the glass isn’t always half full. Some glasses are empty, broken, on fire, or just missing. But it seems rather extreme to just say, “fuck it all” and dismiss all of your pain as a side effect of simply existing.

God, Buddah, Allah, Jesus, Odin, and Ronald McDonald — they all have something in common. They serve as reasons why it’s okay that life sucks, and reasons to be scared. No, I don’t have a point. Enjoy.

So once again I wonder what happened to cause and effect. If you don’t like your situation, it’s probably because of something you did. It’s not just, “oh well I’m alive, not my fault” — it IS your fault, and yeah that sucks, but on the other hand, it’s cool because you can fix it.

Randal in Clerks had it right. He finally got fed up with Dante’s shit and said, “You sound like an asshole. If you want to blame somebody, blame yourself.” And I don’t know what that means, but it’s not my fault if it means something.

This blog makes no sense, and it’s only because you’re alive.

Instant DNA, just add courage

Watching Gattaca made me think about what I’m made of. Am I 30% more likely to get pissed off than most people? Do I tend to cry 17% less often than most males my age — or 17% more? What is my predetermined life expectancy? My chance of succeeding and being happy in life? More or less?

Nobody knows. And just as the movie so amply put it — nobody will ever be able to measure the power of emotion, the power of dreams, and the undeniable force of conviction.

And so those who doubt you, they simply do not understand — that success is not measured in liters, pounds or inches. You are never sure to fail, never sure to win, because nobody is certain how much you care until you are immersed in something enough to know for yourself.

Success is fleeting, but so is emotion. It could very well be that all of your failures were just signs that you didn’t care enough at the right times because you were driven by the wrong reasons.