Monthly Archives: May 2006

That’s not defense, Bruce

Posted on by

Dear Bruce Bowen,

I know you tried really hard to foul the crap out of Dirk and get away with it. So sorry you and your team of muggers couldn’t hack your way to another championship at the expense of a better team.

I read your website, which is almost entirely dedicated to the “art of defense”. You spent all that money making a pointless flash site that didn’t have anything about defense except, “eat your greenies” and “train hard!”.

I was disappointed to find out that even on your website, when you’ve had time to think about it all, you don’t seem to understand anything about defense.

You have career averages of 7.5 points, 3.9 rebounds and 1.5 assists per game. You average 0.9 steals a game, shoot a horrible percentage on offense and are pretty much a non-factor in every statistical category.

In 10 years, you have not learned how to shoot free throws. You’re a 6’7″ small forward/shooting guard who can’t shoot free-throws or score effectively from outside or inside. You don’t steal the ball and don’t pass very much.

So you did what you had to do, I can dig it. You made a living off of frustrating the hell out of the other team’s best offensive player. It’s honest work.

But as I watched you tonight in game 7, shamelessly holding and slapping at Dirk, I just felt sorry for you. You have been framed as a defensive specialist but when your team needed real defense all you had was a 6’7″ frame and hope that Dirk would miss.

Better luck next season, Bruce. Let’s hope the refs don’t catch on to your strategy. I’d hate to see you try to earn a starting spot on any team based on any other part of your game.

<3,
Mike

PS – The Spurs sure cry a lot for a team who won championships on blown calls (also, I’m a jackass for writing this post).

Americano Bizarro

Posted on by

<rant>

Bizarre. That’s about the only way I can explain things. Baseball players are required to testify under oath in front of senate judiciary committees, but oil executives and district attorneys aren’t.

who cares about bonds?
Sure enough, Mr. Specter, maybe you should have rethought how much you can trust people nowdays — especially people involved with the white house — and especially the ones who deny they were.

Although, I don’t think you thought very much at all about it. You probably just did what you were told. Either way — shame on you for not holding people accountable for telling the truth.

This crap has been building up for a while — so let me get some stuff off my chest. Let’s see — things our congress has focused on:

  • Steriods in baseball (who gives a shit)
  • Building a WALL — A FRICKING WALL — between the US and Mexico (didn’t work for Germany or China; way to regress 200 years guys; done for political gain in November)
  • Discussion about gay marriage (robbing life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness from US citizens based on an uncontrollable part of their nature; again, way to regress 200 years; didn’t work for slave owners or restricting women’s voting rights; didn’t work for Hitler either)
  • Janet Jackon’s nipple (not something to ban from TV — embrace it!)

Things that were pretty much ignored:

  • Domestic wire-tapping (national security, shh, it’s so secret nobody is accountable for it)
  • Constitutional checks and balances (wtf?! there are limits to presidential power?)
  • Safety regulation in mining operations (oh, people can die from underregulation that benefits rich business owners?; no lobbyists for saving lives?)
  • Health care reform
  • Social security reform
  • Budget deficit
  • Lobbying reform
  • Election reform
  • Shit, well, pretty much everything they should have been instead of building walls and working on conservative (and pointless) legislation

So my response to this stuff — including Barry Bonds hitting seven-hundred-something home-runs? Get a grip, people. The country is going down the tubes and you’re worried about baseball records and steroids? Wake up.

Congress does a lot of great things, but lately I just don’t know what those things are.

</rant>