Dear Bruce Bowen,

I know you tried really hard to foul the crap out of Dirk and get away with it. So sorry you and your team of muggers couldn’t hack your way to another championship at the expense of a better team.

I read your website, which is almost entirely dedicated to the “art of defense”. You spent all that money making a pointless flash site that didn’t have anything about defense except, “eat your greenies” and “train hard!”.

I was disappointed to find out that even on your website, when you’ve had time to think about it all, you don’t seem to understand anything about defense.

You have career averages of 7.5 points, 3.9 rebounds and 1.5 assists per game. You average 0.9 steals a game, shoot a horrible percentage on offense and are pretty much a non-factor in every statistical category.

In 10 years, you have not learned how to shoot free throws. You’re a 6’7″ small forward/shooting guard who can’t shoot free-throws or score effectively from outside or inside. You don’t steal the ball and don’t pass very much.

So you did what you had to do, I can dig it. You made a living off of frustrating the hell out of the other team’s best offensive player. It’s honest work.

But as I watched you tonight in game 7, shamelessly holding and slapping at Dirk, I just felt sorry for you. You have been framed as a defensive specialist but when your team needed real defense all you had was a 6’7″ frame and hope that Dirk would miss.

Better luck next season, Bruce. Let’s hope the refs don’t catch on to your strategy. I’d hate to see you try to earn a starting spot on any team based on any other part of your game.

<3,
Mike

PS – The Spurs sure cry a lot for a team who won championships on blown calls (also, I’m a jackass for writing this post).